Kavyakankshini...bewitching words spun with spindles of thought and quicksilver yarn...: December 2008


A for Abhimanyu.........A for Ashwathama…

Wisdom bred within us

We learnt about the life’s battlefield

Well in the womb…

We learnt the best way

To enter a battle’s fray

We learnt every move

Every single groove

We learnt to watch our enemy,

That danger came from within

We learnt to conquer fear

And drink the potion of life

Sounds were vital

They may have a medley

Of the death’s knell

The bows and arrows helped

Archery coursed through our veins

Targets were always moral dilemmas

Of that even father couldn’t tell

The grasp was good for an unborn

Was all that  we can sum up

Stuck in there

Surrounded by suffering

Pain and assault

We knew not the way out

“Thou shalt enter

They will fight thee

Ye shalt attack from every angle

Break the maze thus…”

What next…

We are in the maze…

What next…

Why does memory fail?

Mother; let me enter your womb

I need to scrounge for the signs

For my way out…

Mother, this maze is overpowering

Do you least recall?

What next?

This maze is ours

We have entered with supreme will

Now we shall succumb to it

Now we shall use the wheel

Blows rained from everywhere

Where do I seek refuge?

Father; what is the next move

Can your knowledge be of use?

This is our maze….

Eternally it shall be

Like the wound on the forehead

Flowing endlessly

Why my forehead seems damp?

Why my fingers wet with warm blood?

It’s been lifetimes

Yet this wound is fresh


Learning life’s alphabets

A for Abhimanyu......

A for Ashwathama….






marks in a language

I feel

I feed

I do

I undo

I love

I move

I don’t

I want

You feel

You feed

You do

You undo

You love?

You move

You don’t

You want?

A few words too many

Importance of question marks..


Blind man’s buff…

Eyes closed…

Round and round

The hand turned me

Round and round

I kept counting my turns

To keep a track of directions

To know which way will I go?

Once the turning stops

And suddenly it stopped


Mid circle

I undid my tangled feet

And senses

Till I could put forth

My first step

I heard the cries

Each one calling me out

Each one probing and poking me

Cajoling me to come to them

There I stood

Faithful to darkness

Rather compelled into fidelity

Thought now I shall be right

As they say loyalty nurtures relations

Hence I began my journey with the darkness…


Two three

Four five six

I thought I reached out to someone

Suddenly it gave away

The place where I thought I had rested my hand

Three four

Five six

There I feel someone again

Suddenly I hear my name

I swirl around

Was it you?

It was a sing-a-song way

Of calling my name

Just like you do…

I take one step

But…I stumble

It’s not you…

Illusion perhaps

Now again the calling begins

I wander slowly

Arms wide, flailing…

Round and round

Further away from the chaos I went

Till I bumped into


I imagined it was you

Strangely enough

Fell my band which covered my eyes

It was him

The way I never wanted

Yet he was the catch

I won the game they said

While I wept for you

And cursed the cosmic game maker,

Who put me in the arms of a stranger…

With an allusion that I chose him….

Blind man… and the cosmic bluff…





Z plane

I have landed! never safely as usual but yes again down the dumps and am happy that I have finally come to acknowledge that this round of being Sisyphus is done…have successfully let the rock roll down…and well I put my foot willingly to get it crushed as well!!!

I thought only I could be such an emotional fool and genius at one go…now once you have left me I find the world at large is full of such! And especially this city where each one seems to fight his own lengthy battle, some acknowledge it and some don’t…

I feel the void, I once proclaimed I loved to be alone…I must have yelled at you one zillion times…leave me alone…and today what poetic justice…I am left all alone…

And this solitude is different, it doesn’t feed my soul, it doesn’t fuel my creativity and worse still it doesn’t care if am sick or not and whether I like the solitude or not…

My option to be alone is truncated and it’s now the only option that I am left with me….

My sensibilities have frozen…dead and well preserved….

How long did time pass? How far have the rivers of time and space flown? How many events and people and carcasses of ideas flow by me…I remain there on the shore totally untouched by all this…I lost so many things so many of them…trust went first, friendships few, relations many and realizations anew..


 I read what he wrote; I think he wrote with the blood of loneliness…with the intensity I knew was his…totally pure, phenomenal and animal like

I loved his aggression and his passion and was surprised to discover that he was the destination of my search…he was around always too close but that prevented me from seeing him objectively I guess…

He wrote about connections, he wrote about passion, his words flowed with dynamism and his music interlaced with the strains of raag marwa…sung deep in the nights in the womb of the day…

Then I saw him paint, just a stroke, but what grace what force I was almost aroused…to his being, his ability to create and his potency of being human…

Evolved is how I found him, nomad is what the world terms him and piya is what I would like to term him…

I sought him and was thrilled to have found myself in each facet of his creativity...in each angle of his solitude and every trace of his existence

He can’t be plotted on conventional graphs, he aint two dimensional, he has a life force!  his third dimension, his Z plane…

From where I plunged and fell into the very valley I pined for so long…

Losing the track of existence sometimes carries us to the purpose of existence….

I was totally lost with him. I discover afresh the reason of my journey...the sojourn I undertook centuries ago…

The spiritual journey which we began is now in its last stage…

It’s been centuries and I feel so familiar with his scorching look, his roughness and uncouthness that it still holds appeal, evokes a primal desire which I feared I had lost…

He got it back to me rekindled the fire within and I shall ensure to keep it burning all the time…

The fire that melts the hardest ego, that casts the softest principle and that fire that burns illusions of power and yet holds the potency to thrive life….

I shall be his…I shall keep by his side…lead his nomadic ways and love his wanderings…in losing ourselves we shall soon discover the joy of being…the primal need and energy that brings and keeps two beings from dying out…

I shall survive and keep the fires burning till he returns from one of his journeys in search of his being….






cracked smiles n songs

As I remember the times we spent for each others sake,
I just wonder now, was it love or was the feeling fake?
The misty blues, rainy hues and the gardens lush green,
Without you around everything is just not seen.
Giving up everything, just for your sake,
Is there anything, that you forgot to take?
Waiting up all the time besides the phone to ring,
Catching to the tunes of the songs we used to sing.
As my heart breaks, I try to fall asleep,
But still all our memories make me flip.
With everyday, the feeling for you gets tender,
And every moment, makes my love grow stronger.
I really couldn’t stand the pressure or the pain,
Not talking to or not seeing you, makes me go insane.
I really wished, I felt that we were still one,
do you remember, all the laughter and the fun?
Sharing my love to someone else is not my case,
So I hide my broken heart beneath a laughing face.

- adapted by Teju


Is baar nahin

Is baar nahin

Is baar jab woh choti si bachchi mere paas apni kharonch le kar aayegi
Main usey phoo phoo kar nahin behlaoonga
Panapney doonga uski tees ko
Is baar nahin

Is baar jab main chehron par dard likha dekhoonga
Nahin gaoonga geet peeda bhula dene wale
Dard ko risney doonga,utarney doonga andar gehrey
Is baar nahin

Is baar main na marham lagaoonga
Na hi uthaoonga rui ke phahey
Aur na hi kahoonga ki tum aankein band karlo,gardan udhar kar lo main dawa lagata hoon
Dekhney doonga sabko hum sabko khuley nangey ghaav
Is baar nahin

Is baar jab uljhaney dekhoonga,chatpatahat dekhoonga
Nahin daudoonga uljhee door lapetney
Uljhaney doonga jab tak ulajh sake
Is baar nahin

Is baar karm ka hawala de kar nahin uthaoonga auzaar
Nahin karoonga phir se ek nayee shuruaat
Nahin banoonga misaal ek karmyogi ki
Nahin aaney doonga zindagi ko aasani se patri par
Utarney doonga usey keechad main,tedhey medhey raston pe
Nahin sookhney doonga deewaron par laga khoon
Halka nahin padney doonga uska rang
Is baar nahin banney doonga usey itna laachaar
Ki paan ki peek aur khoon ka fark hi khatm ho jaye
Is baar nahin

Is baar ghawon ko dekhna hai
Gaur se
Thoda  lambe  wakt  tak
Kuch  faisley
Aur uskey baad hausley
Kahin toh shuruat karni hi hogi
Is baar yahi tay kiya hai

... Prasoon Joshi