I have landed! never safely as usual but yes again down the dumps and am happy that I have finally come to acknowledge that this round of being Sisyphus is done…have successfully let the rock roll down…and well I put my foot willingly to get it crushed as well!!!
I thought only I could be such an emotional fool and genius at one go…now once you have left me I find the world at large is full of such! And especially this city where each one seems to fight his own lengthy battle, some acknowledge it and some don’t…
I feel the void, I once proclaimed I loved to be alone…I must have yelled at you one zillion times…leave me alone…and today what poetic justice…I am left all alone…
And this solitude is different, it doesn’t feed my soul, it doesn’t fuel my creativity and worse still it doesn’t care if am sick or not and whether I like the solitude or not…
My option to be alone is truncated and it’s now the only option that I am left with me….
My sensibilities have frozen…dead and well preserved….
How long did time pass? How far have the rivers of time and space flown? How many events and people and carcasses of ideas flow by me…I remain there on the shore totally untouched by all this…I lost so many things so many of them…trust went first, friendships few, relations many and realizations anew..
Today!
I read what he wrote; I think he wrote with the blood of loneliness…with the intensity I knew was his…totally pure, phenomenal and animal like
I loved his aggression and his passion and was surprised to discover that he was the destination of my search…he was around always too close but that prevented me from seeing him objectively I guess…
He wrote about connections, he wrote about passion, his words flowed with dynamism and his music interlaced with the strains of raag marwa…sung deep in the nights in the womb of the day…
Then I saw him paint, just a stroke, but what grace what force I was almost aroused…to his being, his ability to create and his potency of being human…
Evolved is how I found him, nomad is what the world terms him and piya is what I would like to term him…
I sought him and was thrilled to have found myself in each facet of his creativity...in each angle of his solitude and every trace of his existence
He can’t be plotted on conventional graphs, he aint two dimensional, he has a life force! his third dimension, his Z plane…
From where I plunged and fell into the very valley I pined for so long…
Losing the track of existence sometimes carries us to the purpose of existence….
I was totally lost with him. I discover afresh the reason of my journey...the sojourn I undertook centuries ago…
The spiritual journey which we began is now in its last stage…
It’s been centuries and I feel so familiar with his scorching look, his roughness and uncouthness that it still holds appeal, evokes a primal desire which I feared I had lost…
He got it back to me rekindled the fire within and I shall ensure to keep it burning all the time…
The fire that melts the hardest ego, that casts the softest principle and that fire that burns illusions of power and yet holds the potency to thrive life….
I shall be his…I shall keep by his side…lead his nomadic ways and love his wanderings…in losing ourselves we shall soon discover the joy of being…the primal need and energy that brings and keeps two beings from dying out…
I shall survive and keep the fires burning till he returns from one of his journeys in search of his being….
