Blind man’s buff…

Eyes closed…

Round and round

The hand turned me

Round and round

I kept counting my turns

To keep a track of directions

To know which way will I go?

Once the turning stops

And suddenly it stopped

Abruptly

Mid circle

I undid my tangled feet

And senses

Till I could put forth

My first step

I heard the cries

Each one calling me out

Each one probing and poking me

Cajoling me to come to them

There I stood

Faithful to darkness

Rather compelled into fidelity

Thought now I shall be right

As they say loyalty nurtures relations

Hence I began my journey with the darkness…

One

Two three

Four five six

I thought I reached out to someone

Suddenly it gave away

The place where I thought I had rested my hand

Three four

Five six

There I feel someone again

Suddenly I hear my name

I swirl around

Was it you?

It was a sing-a-song way

Of calling my name

Just like you do…

I take one step

But…I stumble

It’s not you…

Illusion perhaps

Now again the calling begins

I wander slowly

Arms wide, flailing…

Round and round

Further away from the chaos I went

Till I bumped into

Someone…

I imagined it was you

Strangely enough

Fell my band which covered my eyes

It was him

The way I never wanted

Yet he was the catch

I won the game they said

While I wept for you

And cursed the cosmic game maker,

Who put me in the arms of a stranger…

With an allusion that I chose him….

Blind man… and the cosmic bluff…

 

 

 

 

Z plane

I have landed! never safely as usual but yes again down the dumps and am happy that I have finally come to acknowledge that this round of being Sisyphus is done…have successfully let the rock roll down…and well I put my foot willingly to get it crushed as well!!!

I thought only I could be such an emotional fool and genius at one go…now once you have left me I find the world at large is full of such! And especially this city where each one seems to fight his own lengthy battle, some acknowledge it and some don’t…

I feel the void, I once proclaimed I loved to be alone…I must have yelled at you one zillion times…leave me alone…and today what poetic justice…I am left all alone…

And this solitude is different, it doesn’t feed my soul, it doesn’t fuel my creativity and worse still it doesn’t care if am sick or not and whether I like the solitude or not…

My option to be alone is truncated and it’s now the only option that I am left with me….

My sensibilities have frozen…dead and well preserved….

How long did time pass? How far have the rivers of time and space flown? How many events and people and carcasses of ideas flow by me…I remain there on the shore totally untouched by all this…I lost so many things so many of them…trust went first, friendships few, relations many and realizations anew..

Today!

 I read what he wrote; I think he wrote with the blood of loneliness…with the intensity I knew was his…totally pure, phenomenal and animal like

I loved his aggression and his passion and was surprised to discover that he was the destination of my search…he was around always too close but that prevented me from seeing him objectively I guess…

He wrote about connections, he wrote about passion, his words flowed with dynamism and his music interlaced with the strains of raag marwa…sung deep in the nights in the womb of the day…

Then I saw him paint, just a stroke, but what grace what force I was almost aroused…to his being, his ability to create and his potency of being human…

Evolved is how I found him, nomad is what the world terms him and piya is what I would like to term him…

I sought him and was thrilled to have found myself in each facet of his creativity...in each angle of his solitude and every trace of his existence

He can’t be plotted on conventional graphs, he aint two dimensional, he has a life force!  his third dimension, his Z plane…

From where I plunged and fell into the very valley I pined for so long…

Losing the track of existence sometimes carries us to the purpose of existence….

I was totally lost with him. I discover afresh the reason of my journey...the sojourn I undertook centuries ago…

The spiritual journey which we began is now in its last stage…

It’s been centuries and I feel so familiar with his scorching look, his roughness and uncouthness that it still holds appeal, evokes a primal desire which I feared I had lost…

He got it back to me rekindled the fire within and I shall ensure to keep it burning all the time…

The fire that melts the hardest ego, that casts the softest principle and that fire that burns illusions of power and yet holds the potency to thrive life….

I shall be his…I shall keep by his side…lead his nomadic ways and love his wanderings…in losing ourselves we shall soon discover the joy of being…the primal need and energy that brings and keeps two beings from dying out…

I shall survive and keep the fires burning till he returns from one of his journeys in search of his being….

 

 

 

 

cracked smiles n songs

As I remember the times we spent for each others sake,
I just wonder now, was it love or was the feeling fake?
The misty blues, rainy hues and the gardens lush green,
Without you around everything is just not seen.
Giving up everything, just for your sake,
Is there anything, that you forgot to take?
Waiting up all the time besides the phone to ring,
Catching to the tunes of the songs we used to sing.
As my heart breaks, I try to fall asleep,
But still all our memories make me flip.
With everyday, the feeling for you gets tender,
And every moment, makes my love grow stronger.
I really couldn’t stand the pressure or the pain,
Not talking to or not seeing you, makes me go insane.
I really wished, I felt that we were still one,
do you remember, all the laughter and the fun?
Sharing my love to someone else is not my case,
So I hide my broken heart beneath a laughing face.

- adapted by Teju

Is baar nahin

Is baar nahin

Is baar jab woh choti si bachchi mere paas apni kharonch le kar aayegi
Main usey phoo phoo kar nahin behlaoonga
Panapney doonga uski tees ko
Is baar nahin

Is baar jab main chehron par dard likha dekhoonga
Nahin gaoonga geet peeda bhula dene wale
Dard ko risney doonga,utarney doonga andar gehrey
Is baar nahin

Is baar main na marham lagaoonga
Na hi uthaoonga rui ke phahey
Aur na hi kahoonga ki tum aankein band karlo,gardan udhar kar lo main dawa lagata hoon
Dekhney doonga sabko hum sabko khuley nangey ghaav
Is baar nahin

Is baar jab uljhaney dekhoonga,chatpatahat dekhoonga
Nahin daudoonga uljhee door lapetney
Uljhaney doonga jab tak ulajh sake
Is baar nahin

Is baar karm ka hawala de kar nahin uthaoonga auzaar
Nahin karoonga phir se ek nayee shuruaat
Nahin banoonga misaal ek karmyogi ki
Nahin aaney doonga zindagi ko aasani se patri par
Utarney doonga usey keechad main,tedhey medhey raston pe
Nahin sookhney doonga deewaron par laga khoon
Halka nahin padney doonga uska rang
Is baar nahin banney doonga usey itna laachaar
Ki paan ki peek aur khoon ka fark hi khatm ho jaye
Is baar nahin

Is baar ghawon ko dekhna hai
Gaur se
Thoda  lambe  wakt  tak
Kuch  faisley
Aur uskey baad hausley
Kahin toh shuruat karni hi hogi
Is baar yahi tay kiya hai

... Prasoon Joshi

 

silken bonds

If the mind is made up

And the night stayed up

Mix the lyrics of your life

With mine

If the melody is made up

And the words have come up

Sing the song of your life

With me

If the lines are played up

And the luck messed up

Cry out the pain

To me

If the hope is given up

And the rope burnt up

Take the thread which binds

You to me…

 

 

hope

Sing the song of your heart

Till ears of my soul fill up with the melody

Of simplicity

Paint the dream of your eyes

Till the canvas of my palm

Is colorful enough to hide

My destiny

Pluck the flowers of love

Till my garden of solitude

Is blooming with the fragrance

Of your memories

Take my hand and lead me

Onto the ladder of uncertainty

Till the moon kisses me

Through the clouds…

Keep singing, keep painting

Till the hope in my voice

Echoes through you…

 

 

 

simple verse

Simple verse came late to me

Like spring in autumn’s medley

I thought you’d love to be…

The dream of my eyes, you could see

The string of your shoe binds me

To your shoe and to you

Dragging along like a ragged doll

Everywhere you took me

Bumping off my every dream

Song and the rainbow in me

On and on went on your song

Till my words were drowned in me

Abandoned on the shore

Today as you leave me

Though very late

But through heaven’s gate

Simple verse full of love

Just came to me…

dream meadows

Let’s share the bowls of breaths

You take a fistful

I’ll take a few

Breathe out the old

And breathe in the new

Lets crack open a few dreams

You take a fistful

I’ll take a few

Crack open the shell

And pop in a dream

Let’s plant the hope seeds

You take a fistful

I’ll take a few

Press in real deep

Let hope grow anew

Let’s play with the rainbow laces

You hold a fistful

I’ll pull a few

Tie them in your hair

And braid in the dew….

 

unpainted days

When you are with me

I close my eyes to the world

Your lips tell me then

The taste of your smile’s curl

When you are with me

I slip through the skin of me

Your touch tells me

The height of agony and ecstasy

When you are with me

I put my brush away

Your hands show me

That it’s next day….

Elements

 

 

Crafted out of ashes,

Sleek, grey and alluring

Shades of ebony and white

Long and strong

Swift and agile

Tampered with fire

And baptized by embers

Her claws were still burning

While her plummet was being modeled

Fiery golden eyes brimmed with purple patience

Nothingness of past lives had wizened her...

As the wind romanced and cajoled her virgin plumage

To lift off and soar in the skies

Her world, her ambit and her destiny

One final look

Out of the smoke and into the heavens

There she flew

Pulsating with heat

Her newly molten bones

Hallowed with energy

Clutched the winds

And thrust upon the skies

Her wings dusted with ashes...

One ultimate screech of victory

Over the mountains, over the plains

Over the seas, over the lakes

Conquering fears and complexes

Vanquishing doubts and piercing through convictions

She did what she knew best

She flew and she flew

Till memories of her burning self were extinguished

One moment she saw the Dnieper

The other moment she plunged

To drown the memories of lifetimes....

She rose to meet a new destiny

She soared and glided past elevated truths

She transcended the spheres of knowledge

She gained what she lost

And lost what she gained

An arduous journey she took...

She flew and she flew

Till she smelt the familiar

The real and the certain

Her plumage caught fire

Mid flight again

Death caught up with her

Burning and flying

Flying and burning

She flapped incessantly

Hoping to make it

Make it to the Baikal

She wanted to live

She wanted to extinguish the fire

Burning within her soul

Strange are the desires of the soul

To burn and be born

To be born to burn

The flame scorching her heart

Had other desires

Slowly scattering ashes

A being was being unmade

Bit by bit losing herself

Ego and all

She was burning

Burning bright

And flying right

Through her death

Her golden eyes

Reflected the deep Baikal

Now calm as the blues of Baikal

The purple passion faded out

Till the orange hues licked them

Slowly circling the mammoth lake

Scattering ashes she fell from the skies

Like a comet or a star maybe

But content that she won’t be born again

For the winds and water had devoured her past

Remnants of all her deeds and lifetimes

She made it

She broke the curse...

Of the phoenix....

To be born again out of ashes....

 

 

 

 

turning 25...

Well finally quarter of the century gone...and pray how do i feel???

Old? jaded?bored?or  rather tired?of living....

The circumstances in which i turned 25 were absolute perfect...i was at home!with parents and close friends and well still reliving the charm of birthdays at home!!!strange but true i was totally happy about the cakes and candles birthday, the aukskhan by mom and my my a house full of nishigandha!!!

The contemplation kept happening for quite a while...what is it all about?

living loving or something more?

What have i got in 25 years seems a selfish thought and what i gave in 25 years seems vain....

I began my research with the oldest method...comparison, with other 25 year olds... obvious subjects were by friends and colleagues, what is it that they have come to achieve at 25, what is it that i have come to achieve at 25 and finally am i happy with what i have achieved and are they all happy about themselves at this stage? What is the probable next stage of life? When next would be the ideal time to reflect about life and its purpose? Round and round i went till i came to a point that we all had in abundance, everything we pined for once upon a time...

At some point the comparison stopped, began looking at my own self...over the years...only to realize that i was indeed happy, rather should be...i have all that i wished for, once upon a time and more....i remember some of my diary pages stating my ideal salary at 25, ideal situations, ideal weight as well...today i have all of it, albeit a bit more...but then what am i doing? ruing about it all.....well that is the irony of life, we wish for certain things and when we have achieved them, we feel left out and out smarted by other circumstances....

I questioned myself...who am i? what is the purpose of my being? why am i still existing? and i am yet to find rational and acceptable answers to all these questions...One more question posed before me....did i forget something? the answer was yes!yes indeed! i had forgotten to be grateful! grateful for so many things that i had been taken for granted for my entire life! my fit body! my mind, my brain, my looks, my qualifications, my laptop, internet all all....the assumptions seem Marie Antoinette like if i really open my eyes to see the world of so many other 25 year olds....

On deeper delving i realized i had indeed changed in the past 5 years and so rapidly! the transition was scary at a point when i realized that certain changes were permanent and shall never be the same again....be it the time spent doing nothing at all, playing with clay or even simply trusting people about all they said and did...

Trust is eroding so fast i can hardly believe myself at times....

i feel distressed if i cant play with words for a while....

i feel bored without my dose of shopping...

i feel handicapped and marooned without cell phones and internet...

gosh...where am i heading?

fine...

then came a point..do i still enjoy poetry?nature?silence?

solitude?grace?tears?the written word?the unsaid emotion?

i calmed down a bit....

is the spark in my eyes still alive? do my eyes light up at the mere mention of interesting things?

well....do i still love flowers? do i find travel interesting? do i blush these days?

am i finding all these parameters trivial?

do hand written letters, greeting cards, notes light up my day?

do i still believe in dreams and their power to alter life?

yes.....i do...

dreams make life so very "live"able for me....

am yet to dig out the buried emotions, yet to replant the bushels of memories, spruce up the long forgotten bushes of friendship camaraderie and love...water it all with honest tears and well....shade it with innocence and faith in all good things of life...

if i don’t do it religiously, i realize i have very little left to pass on to the next generation, a legacy of hope, of love, of innocence, of faith and most importantly the power of dreams.....

what do honest words do to an expressing medium?

dilute the pleasure of spiced up gossip....

obscure yet mine...thoughts from the mind's mill...